I am from the snowflakes that fall from the sky and pile in heaps on the ground.
I am from the loon’s eerie wails, which I loved to stay awake in bed and listen to at night.
I am from the mix of the world’s best pancakes, and the batter of the world’s best fudge brownies.
Hailey Acierno wrote these words in a poem when she was 11 years old, shortly after the family had moved here from Minnesota.
Chris and Lisa Acierno, her parents, honored their daughter by sharing them with a New Tampa community that has tried to fill the holes in their hearts the past two weeks.
Chris read his favorite poem at Hailey’s funeral April 12 at St. Mark the Evangelist Catholic Church, before hundreds who attended a somber and sad goodbye to a young, 17-year-old woman her parents say had struggled for years with mental illness, and who took her own life in the woods inside Flatwoods Park, behind the Arbor Greene community where her family lived.
“Losing a child and the grief that accompanies that loss is a thought that every parent considers,” Chris said. “You imagine it as the absolute worst possible scenario of loss, pain and sorrow. Well, we can attest to the harsh reality that it is completely devastating.”
The church was filled with family and friends, and even the rescue parties and their dogs who searched for her over 10 days when Hailey went missing March 28. They cried, hugged and lamented the loss of a life too soon.
• • •
I am from the strawberry wafers sold at the rundown cornerstore where I would always bike to.
I am from “Because I Said So”, and “What’d You Say?”, and “There’s A First Time For Everything.”
I am from the cheers in the bleachers at my brothers’ baseball games.
Hailey, a 17-year-old Wharton student, left behind brothers Ryan and Josh and sister Katie, and her parents, who along with so many others in the community, remember her as bright and imaginative girl who made so many of those around her happy.
“She was brilliant, she was creative, she was always the smile in the room,’’ said Lisa. “She would go out of her way to be the happy, bouncy, silly kid willing to do anything to make someone smile.”
When she was 10, a year before the family moved from Minnesota to Tampa, she wrote about being in charge of the world, and how, if she was, she would ban chicken pot pies and blues music and the sport of curling.
Pet Dragons would be the norm in Hailey’s world, all waterheads would be filled with fish, and fudge brownies and ice cream cake would be vegetables. Chris shared that at her funeral, to let those who may not have known Hailey understand how her mind danced like children’s minds do.
“It was a beautiful mind,’’ he said.
She was loved by her classmates and teachers, and cared for everyone. When her cell phone was stolen and later recovered, she worried about what would happen to the child who was caught with it. “It was just a mistake,’’ she told her mother.
Beneath the surface, however, Hailey was plagued by dark thoughts, her mother said, thoughts she fought hard to suppress. She attended Pride Elementary in fifth grade, and had a perfect score on her FCAT. When she entered Benito Middle School, Lisa says she started to notice the changes: Hailey became more sullen, she stopped caring about school and she couldn’t stay on task.
“She was in so much pain,’’ Lisa said. “If you knew her, though, she hid it really well.”
Through it all, including hospital stays and visits to therapists and an unending procession of doctors and counselors, she never stopped smiling. Her artistic side continued to shine through. Her writings were deep and sometimes dark but always exceptional. She was two chapters into writing a book her mother insists would have become a best seller.
When Hailey went missing March 28, hundreds of volunteers showed up to search, combing as much of the massive 5,500-acre Flatwoods Park — where she enjoyed hanging out — as they could.
A vigil was held at St. Mark’s on April 4, and despite trying hard to remain optimistic, Lisa began to fear the worst.
On April 6, Flatwoods Park was closed as the search was expanded. A day later, in the early morning, Tampa Police officers on off-road bikes found Hailey’s body off the main biking and hiking paths. “Hailey had a troubled mind,’’ Chris said, “and needed to find peace for herself.”
• • •
I am from a pair of ice skates that my brothers and I walked with to the outdoor skating rink every winter night, and skated across the lumpy ice.
I am from the long, concealing limbs of the weeping willow, the perfect place to go for privacy and relaxing.
I am from the big pond behind the neighborhood, next to the willow.
Lisa doesn’t know what she could have done differently, but it’s hard not to think about.
She said she was on a neverending mission to find help for her daughter. Hailey suffered from bi-polar disorder (formerly referred to as manic depression), which causes extreme mood swings and, in many cases, suicidal thoughts. It affects nearly six million adult Americans, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Hailey spent time in hospitals and with therapists as the family fought to find solutions. Lisa says she called at least 50 doctors searching for help.
Asked if she has any advice for other families suffering with the same affliction, she grows quiet. “Because we lost,’’ she says, “I don’t know how much my advice is worth.”
But after a moment, she steels herself.
“Just keep fighting,’’ she says. “Don’t give up. Don’t quit.”
Chris says the family can take some solace in the fact that Hailey is free from her torment. The pain never goes away, but some peace can be found.
“She is now free and she can find happiness fluttering with the butterflies and soaring with the birds in the clouds, and even exploring distant galaxies in space,’’ he said. “All the things she loved.”
I am in a different place now than where I’m from.
A new place, completely.
But really, I’ll never leave the places that I am from.
The semifinal showdown will feature one team, the U.S., trying to reclaim its former glory. The 17-time champion hasn’t won the Fed Cup since 2000.
