The “Barbie” Movie — I Guess I’m Just A Man Who Doesn’t “Get It” 

Although I never owned a Barbie doll, I did get an Action Jackson “figure” when I was a kid and I loved that you could dress the “boy dolls” as Batman, Superman and other DC Comics heroes.

And, while I still prefer superhero movies to pretty much any other genre these days (other than a great comedy), I will admit that when Jannah said she wanted to go see the “Barbie” movie, I quickly agreed.

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, as “Barbie” shattered the record for the top box office opening weekend for a movie directed by a woman, but I also was intrigued by the idea of a Barbie doll coming to life, especially with the talented Margot Robbie in the title role.

I also had high hopes for Ryan Gosling as Ken, despite the ridiculous-looking (at least to me) dye job to match the doll’s well-known blond locks. And yes, the teaser commercials showing Barbie and Ken getting arrested multiple times during their first trip to the “real world” looked cute and funny.

What was most appealing to me was to see how director Greta Gerwig was planning to bring (almost) every young girl’s favorite doll to life and how Barbie and Ken would ultimately fare. I somehow didn’t even realize that Will Ferrell (who plays the CEO of Mattel, they toy company that still owns the Barbie empire) also was in the movie until the opening credits. I enjoy some of Mr. Ferrell’s films, but he is usually so over the top with his acting that every movie he’s in walks that fine line between super-funny and super-stupid.  

Well, after sitting through the nearly two-hour run of “Barbie” a week or so after it hit theaters across the U.S., all I can say is I honestly didn’t get what all the hype has been about.

In my opinion, despite having some very funny moments, the film is just so stupid and the story so convoluted that the star power does little to prop it up. My favorite characters are America Ferrera as Gloria, the mom who loved playing with Barbies as a kid (and apparently, still does), Ariana Greenblatt as Gloria’s daughter Sasha who (along with her friends) has gotten to the age where they think they’re too old and too cool to play with dolls, and especially, the great Rhea Perlman (best known as Carla from “Cheers” and for being married to Danny DeVito) as Ruth Handler, the American businesswoman who invented the Barbie doll in 1959.

I give Gerwig a lot of credit for at least trying and it seems that, based on everything I’ve seen about the movie on talk shows, the women of America seem to believe that the director got the story right, especially in terms of “female empowerment.” Yes, all of the Barbies of all shapes, sizes, colors and physical abilities are treated equally in “Barbieland, and the president is an African-American Barbie. I did understand, applaud and appreciate at least that part of Gerwig’s message.

But, what I couldn’t understand was why the director had to make Gosling’s Ken the movie’s ignorant “villain.” In the opening scenes of the movie, Ken clearly thinks he’s  in love with Barbie, even though he doesn’t understand why he should have sleepovers with his “girlfriend,” who clearly has no clue as to why he’d even be interested in anything other than the two of them looking pretty together.

But then, when they travel to the real world, Ken visits a library and takes out (steals?) books about the “patriarchy” and decides he likes the idea of men being in charge, rather than the Barbie dolls who “rule” Barbieland. How did these dolls even learn how to read? I know…suspend disbelief.

And, all Barbie-hell breaks loose when the dolls return to Barbieland. There are pitiful musical numbers and even a fake-weapon fight scene between all of the incarnations of the Ken doll, with Simu Liu (of the “Shang Chi” Marvel movie) as Gosling’s arch-rival Ken. While the men and their abs are fighting, the Barbies somehow find a loophole to take back Barblieland for themselves and Robbie’s Barbie ends up realizing she had been taking Ken’s needs for granted, even as she then chooses to return to the real world to live forever.

I’ve seen the movie called “hilarious,” but for my money, there were just a few laughs sprinkled into the almost nonstop stupidity. Jannah and I both had trouble sitting through it.

The best thing about the film, in my opinion, has been the merchandising. The B&B Theatres at The Grove hosted a big opening weekend “Barbie” party and still has life-size Barbie doll boxes in the lobby that no woman (including Jannah, right) could resist dressing up in pink for and taking pictures in — I even wore my pink polo shirt for the occasion. I regretted that decision afterwards.

Again, in my opinion, “Barbie” misses the mark as badly as most of its jokes. A better plot might have had the girl who outgrew Barbies become the “villain” until she realizes the value of the dolls to the girls and women who love them to somehow “save the day.” Oh, well.